Call me a logophile (or maybe just “a lover of words”)

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Well, here’s a random musing for ya.

The premise of this one emerged when I realized how cool it was that the following sentence actually works as a sentence:
I think that that that that that that describes should be deleted.

Go ahead, put it in Word. No squiggly green lines.

Naturally, I had to outdo myself with my nerdy, wordy weirdness. So I started thinking of words that I can type using just one hand (because I love it when that happens). I mean, come on.

Awed. Bump. Crest. Dread. Eager. Fester. Grade. Hilly. Ilk. Joy. Kill. Limp. Monopoly. Numb. Opinion. Pomp. Rare. Secret. Test. Up. Veer. Weave. You. Zest.

(Yes, I gave up on “q” and “x”.)

So, maybe that doesn’t quite excite you. But what about when you take those same words that once held individual meaning and create something entirely new with them?

It holds a monopoly on abandoned dreams,
for mountains of its ilk have long caused travelers —
once eager and daring —
to stumble, crash and limp along
and exchange joy and purpose for numb torpor.

There the mountain looms with pomp and pride,
causing thoughts of dread to fester,
turning secret opinion to supposed fact:
the journey up will kill you.

Yet up you trudge, veer and weave
up its steep, taunting and daunting grade
you dig deep with rare resolve to master its test.

Now, here you stand upon its hilly crest,
Awed, empowered, with renewed zest.

It was just another bump along the way.

Maybe it’s just me, but I find the ability to do that fascinating. So, call me a logophile… except I should probably just stick with a lover of words.

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The voices we choose to listen to

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Words have tremendous power. They can build up and encourage; they can tear down and wound.

To relay and comprehend words — even when reading — we use a voice. Each person’s voice is unique, be it the cadence and rhythm of their speaking voice or the personality and style of their written thoughts.

But what voices are we choosing to listen to?

The world contains millions and millions of voices, and so many of those voices are vying for our attention. Maybe it’s the latest must-see TV show or movie that uses the voices of actors to convey the voices of a director, producer and writer. Maybe it’s a company’s commercial for a “must-have” product that uses its voice to seep into your mind, thereby triggering your own voice that says you need to make a change to become better.

And there — right there — that’s where we become vulnerable. Because our own voices can be both our allies and our enemies.

I’ll speak for myself here, but I imagine I can’t be the only one when I say: Sometimes the loudest voice telling me I can’t do something is my own.

So often, I end up becoming my own deterrent. Because I listen to that voice. I give up on myself before I’ve even allowed a chance to prove to myself and the rest of the world around me that I can, that I will.

We tell ourselves we’ll fail. We tell ourselves we’re alone in the world. We tell ourselves we’re not good enough. We tell ourselves, “Maybe tomorrow.”

Sometimes the voices are like a mob screaming at us and sometimes they’re quiet whispers that snake through our ears. But each voice has the potential to drag us down in defeat, failure and loneliness. Instead of fighting, we convince ourselves those voices are right. We give up on ourselves before we have the chance to fail or succeed.

We’ll never get anywhere if we live like that.

Instead, use your voice to declare the truth and cut through those lies. Use your voice to speak words that are true, right, uplifting, pure, lovely, excellent and full of life.

And then listen to that voice.

Insanity. INSANITY. I-N-S-A-N-I-T-Y.

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Insanity. Insanity. Insanity. Insanity.

I can type the letters I-N-S-A-N-I-T-Y in that exact order as many times as I want to, hoping each time that a new word will emerge, but the result will always be the same word: Insanity.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, while expecting a different result. So, allow me to ask a question — you can choose if it will be a rhetorical one.

Are you insane?

Perhaps I should rephrase and redirect the question: Am I insane?

To answer the question, let me propose a hypothetical situation. Imagine I’m following a road. La dee da, there I go, ambling along the road before me. Suddenly, as I’m walking, I run into a huge brick wall that just happens to be blocking the entire road in front of me.

I persistently continue walking, but each time, I walk into this brick wall. Again and again, I try to keep walking on this road. Again and again, I run into that wall.

If you saw me attempt this feat, I hope you’d say something like, “You know, I don’t think that’s the best road to follow. Maybe you should go around the wall or take a different road.” But you’d probably snicker and be more like, Okay, this girl has some issues. 

Yes, I’m being slightly facetious since I doubt the majority of us will ever actually encounter a scenario like this.

But what about those of us who keep facing the same struggles in our lives and keep failing to overcome them? Because if you’re anything like any other human in the world, it’s highly likely that you’re facing — or have faced — some obstacles in your life.

I don’t want to waste my life running into the same roadblocks. But to overcome those roadblocks, that means changing something. And it seems odd, but change often correlates with humility.

Snap. Did I just say that?

Yep, I did.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Perseverance and determination are also essential for change and for overcoming challenges. But I think the first step just might be humility.

If you’ve used Google Maps, Waze or any GPS app, chances are you’ve heard the word, “Recalculating.”

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There are an assortment of reasons that could prompt the word. Maybe there’s road construction or an accident along the way. Maybe there’s a mass exodus of drivers to the grocery stores in lieu of an impending winter storm, causing an insane amount of traffic. Maybe you made the wrong turn.

But all of those reasons boil down to the fact that the route you were originally following wasn’t the optimal choice. It wasn’t perfect.

So, you have to adjust. And that can be hard to do because that means maybe, just maybe, you aren’t perfect. And, let’s be honest, who likes admitting that?

But I don’t want to refuse to adjust my path because I’m too proud, afraid, lethargic or stubborn.

At some point then, don’t we need to rethink something? Don’t we need to recalculate and adjust? Don’t we need to admit that something needs to change?

Maybe you’re not content with the progress — or the lack of progress — you’re making. Maybe you wish you were on a different path, but you’re too afraid of change. Maybe you’re just comfortable with the same old routine you’ve been performing for years now. Maybe you think you deserve the bruises that brick wall keeps giving you.

But I challenge you — just like I challenge myself — to look at the road you’re on right now and assess both your progress and the destination you’re pressing toward. Are you getting where you want to be? Or are you stuck in a gif-like loop of walking into the same brick wall?

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Bikes, stitches and Aloe vera plants

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Gotta give cred to my former roommate who had cool stuff for me to take still life photos of.

Ever feel like you’re getting hit on the head with the same heavy hammer over and over and over again?

Yeah, that happened to me today. The same message kept popping up unexpectedly throughout this lovely crisp November Monday.

First, it sprouted as an idea while I was reading my Bible this morning. Then, it blossomed into a vine of connected thoughts while I was walking around my work building during lunch. Then, it branched out from another post over at the Beauty Beyond Bones blog. And finally, it snaked itself around my mind in the form of a song that randomly played on some stranger’s YouTube playlist.

And finally, I was like, OK, I get the picture. I’ll write about this.

So here it is: If your father truly loves you, he’ll want what’s best for you, right?

I remember when I fell off my bike when I was seven years old. I flew over the handlebars and skidded chin-first across the gravel driveway. Bawling, I proceeded to scamper up our super long, steep driveway to my dad who would know how to fix it. He cleaned my battle wounds and off we went to the hospital.

I turned eight a few days later, sporting a nice set of stitches on my chin and elbow.

A couple weeks later, I was scheduled to have my stitches taken out. Let’s just say one of those stitches was really embedded in my chin and it took a lot of tugging to get it out. Afterward, my dad led me out to the parking lot and took care of me as I heaved in the bushes by the car.

He then drove to a store and bought me a little Aloe vera plant. Most eight-year-olds wouldn’t be too impressed with an Aloe plant as a gift, and I can’t say I was at first either. But my dad told me to smear the Aloe’s goo on my chin and elbow injuries every day and it would help the scars heal. So I did.

I used that gift countless times throughout my life.

And that Aloe plant grew over the years, becoming Master of the Windowsill, spawning other little Aloe plants and still going strong when I moved out of my parent’s house years later.

My dad wanted what’s best for me, so he gave me a gift that was helpful, considerate and a blessing in the future, as well.

So let me ask you: If our dads here on earth care so much for us and want to give us the best Aloe plant gifts, then how much more will our Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him? (That’s a Jen version of Matthew 7:11, in case you were wondering.)

My dad’s great. I know he loves me fiercely, would do anything to protect me and wants the best for me. But even he doesn’t love me as much as Jesus loves me.

God has the best intentions for us. He isn’t holding out on us or baiting us with a gift, only to move it away before we can receive it.

Sometimes, yes, we need to wait for His gifts. Sometimes, yes, that waiting is really hard. But He really does know what’s best for us, at the best time.

God has a plan and purpose for us greater than we can even imagine. He has a gift for each one of us.

But it’s up to us to receive that gift.

I could have refused to use the Aloe’s gel on my scars. It was smelly and sticky and sometimes those pointy ends stabbed me as I tried to glean the gooey innards from the plant. This was a gift?

But I accepted my dad’s gift to me and it helped heal me. If you looked at my chin now, you would barely see the scars where those stitches were.

Sometimes all it takes is trusting that your Father knows best. Because God’s gifts for His children are good. Hope, joy, peace, love, freedom and so much more. Not only do these gifts from God increase along with us, but they also heal and mend — just like that trusty Aloe vera plant.

 

God’s plan for you and me

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You know what? I love God.

Every morning, I start off my day with reading my Bible. Recently, I’ve been reading through the book of Jeremiah, and this morning I came to chapter 29.

I’m sure you’re all like, “Yeah, yeah, Jen, you’re going to go to verse 11.”

Yes — but only for some of it.

I read Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'”

Now, if you don’t mind, I’d just like to insert what I wrote down this morning after reading that:

So often, we read and quote Jeremiah 29:11 by itself — and for good reason, because it’s an amazing promise from God and a source of hope. But I know I failed to see it in context before. After reading through Jeremiah, the promise and hope found in verse 11 means so much more.

God had allowed the Israelites to be captured by the Babylonians because they had openly rebelled against Him. He offered them chance after chance to turn back to Him, but they refused and continued to disobey.

So, the Babylonians captured the Israelites and took them away from their city as captives.

But God still offered them hope.

Jeremiah 29:10, “This is what the Lord says: ‘You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again.'”

He gave them the promise that they would be freed in 70 years. And not only that, He then told them (in verse 11) that He knew them and wanted to give them a good future. That’s beautiful.

Even now, we know that we’re going to go through some hard times, but God lets us know that He has ordered our steps. Even though we may not know how long it may take to be freed from the struggles or chains, He has promised us freedom and this good will, if we choose to follow Him.

But don’t stop there — verses 12 and 13 are so good too! Jeremiah 29:12-13 — “In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.”

Let me just say I had no idea I would absolutely need those words today — and let me tell you, I absolutely needed those words today.

But God knew.

And let me just say: Even if you find yourself in one of the worst storms you’ve faced, God still knows where you are.

More than that, He knows you.

He formed you for a purpose, and He won’t just leave you hanging.

No, if we choose to love Him and follow Him, He promises us a future filled with hope and good plans.

God isn’t the only one involved here, though. We have to make the choice to follow him. We, as humans, can choose to disregard His promises and follow our own paths, like the Israelites did in the verses above.

But know this: God doesn’t break His promises.

Just keep swimming

During my run today, I found myself facing a hill that was more daunting than the rest. It was long and steep, rocky and littered with roots just waiting to trip me up.

Without any prompting, I thought, Just keep swimming.

Just keep swimming

Yes, it’s a quote from Finding Nemo. Yes, it’s a movie for kids.

But for that moment — for this day, when tragedy and hate strike again — those words were so fitting.

Just keep swimming.

On days likes these, it can be hard enough to just keep treading water, let alone swim. But it’s when you stop moving, when you stop treading water, that you find yourself drowning.

And that’s what any enemy wants you to do. To stop trying. To give up. To stop moving forward.

The only way to make it up a hill is to take one more step. And one more. One more.

Sometimes that step is a step of faith. Sometimes that step takes all the willpower we have in us.

Sometimes that step is a step to prove to those haters trying to instill fear in our lives that we will rise above. That we will reach the top of the hill.

That we’ll keep swimming and keep moving forward.

On onions and ACL injuries

IMG_9231I realized today I really wanted to write something on my blog, but had no idea what to write about.

And honestly, at first, onions popped into my head.

My mind eventually turned to where I was around this time three years ago. In September 2014, I hurt my left knee during a flag football intramural game. I drove back home and had my dad assess the already swelling and throbbing injury.

The next couple of days, my knee didn’t get better and I was scheduled for an MRI. The MRI results came back and the doctor confirmed our suspicions that I had torn my ACL. I would need reconstructive surgery if I wanted to be able to play basketball or other sports in the future.

One thing you should know about me: I hate needles and get pretty squeamish at the thought of a scalpel cutting into my flesh. So, surgery was pretty much my worst nightmare come true.

But I wanted to actually be able to play sports again.

In November 2014, I went in for surgery, where the doctor replaced my torn ACL with a portion of my own hamstring muscle combined with muscle from some person I’ll never know (I’ve dubbed him Stefan).

Let’s just say this was a hard time for me. The injury had happened early in my junior year of college, so I was missing that entire year of basketball and other sports. Physical therapy was a long process of re-learning how to walk correctly, trying to reach full extension with my knee and leg strengthening.

I remember searching Google, reading about other people who had torn their ACLs and promised it would get better in time. And I remember having a hard time believing them.

But I did believe something else. I knew God was there with me, throughout the entire process. My injury hadn’t come as a surprise to Him. No, He didn’t prevent it from happening, but He didn’t just abandon me when I was hurting.

I would not have been able to walk into that hospital, have the IV stuck in my arm and lie down on that hospital bed, while the doctor marked my knee with an X, if I hadn’t known God was in control. Trust me, I would have been freaking out. But I prayed for peace, and He gave me a quiet assurance that everything would be fine.

Maybe I will come back to the topic of onions.

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Sometimes we have our lives planned out exactly as we think they should go. But just as Shrek said there are layers to ogres, there are also layers to life.

Often, we see only the outside layer — the immediate circumstances that surround us. And in life, those circumstances sometimes stink.

As we get deeper into life’s layers, however, we realize there’s more than just the immediate. It might be painful as we peel away those outer layers to get to the core of a situation. There might be some crying involved. There might be some chopping and dicing away.

But just as those steps are needed to prepare an onion to fulfill its part in a recipe, sometimes those steps are necessary for us in life — to grow, to mature, to develop into the type of person we choose to be.

What can you learn from these difficult times?

I would have never planned to tear my ACL and have surgery. But I can tell you that I now rarely take for granted my ability to run or play basketball. Sometimes that twinge in my knee is a great reminder of the journey it took to get to this point. And it reminds me of how God not only promised to take care of me, but how He followed through on that promise.

And if that was the only lesson learned from that particular moment in my life, I think it’s a pretty solid one.

Besides, now I have that much more in common with Tom Brady, Julian Edelman and Rob Gronkowski. Sorry, not sorry, I’m a diehard Patriots fan.